Why do we feel like we have to be the perfect mum, have the perfect house, and excel in the perfect job, all at the same time? It got me thinking…
I was catching up with an old friend—someone I hadn’t spoken to in years. We met working on a wildlife sanctuary in Africa babysitting some rhino, as you do, what feels like a lifetime ago (she was training to be a vet and I was following a dream to play with animals all day). Now, she’s a wellbeing coach, Charlotte Lawson (check out some of her articles), and as we talked, the conversation naturally turned to something that so many of us struggle with: perfectionism.
The Myth of the Perfect Mum
We’ve all seen her. The “perfect” mum on Instagram with her beautifully dressed children, a home that looks straight out of a magazine, and a smile that says, “I’ve got this.” Meanwhile, we’re here reheating our coffee for the third time, stepping over a pile of half-finished craft projects, and wondering how on earth we’re meant to juggle everything without dropping the ball.
Social media, societal expectations, and even our own internal dialogue have convinced us that anything less than perfection is failure. The truth is, perfect doesn’t exist. And, if we’re being honest with ourselves, we know this deep down. We know that said mum on Instagram isn’t actually perfect. That if we think about it, off camera there will be all-manner of toys, tantrums and sticky fingerprints on cushions. And yet, we still chase it, setting ourselves up for more self-doubt.
Why? I know that my drive for perfection comes from the expectations I’ve absorbed over the years—my mum kept a ‘perfect’ house, plus I love a good through the keyhole moment in a glossy title (I know, they’ve been styled, I do) and simply watching other mums who seem to have it all together. I want to prove (to myself and to others) that I can handle everything, that I’m the strong, capable, and successful woman mantra I repeat with my seven-year old to lessen her worry of new things. I want to prove that in every role I play. But in trying to be everything to everyone, I have realised (and it’s taken nearly half a century, emphasis on the nearly please) that I often forget to just be—to enjoy the messy, imperfect beauty of life as it comes.
The Perfect House: Who Are We Keeping It Tidy For?
We dream of World of Interior-worthy interiors, but real life looks more like laundry piles/mountain ranges, rogue LOL shoes, and a never-ending to-do list. And yet, there’s this nagging voice telling us that a messy home means we’re not “doing enough.” But here’s the thing—my seven year old doesn’t care if the cushions match or if there’s a bit of dust on the shelves. She cares about the hugs, tickles and laughter that fills our home (and quite a lot about snacks). Maybe it’s time we start caring more about that too. I’m working on it…
The Perfect Career: Balancing Ambition and Mum Guilt
Whether you’re working full-time, part-time, or staying at home, there’s always a voice whispering that you should be doing more. If you focus on your career, you feel guilty about not spending enough time with your child. If you focus on motherhood, you wonder if you’re sacrificing your ambitions.
Mum guilt is a thing and we need to learn to live with it.
But balance doesn’t mean doing everything at once. It means making choices that align with what truly matters to you. I’m working on this one too (I never said I had the answers), so this school holidays I am carving out time to focus on play and time to focus on work. I will not feel guilty for sticking my seven year old in front of The Babysitters Club for half an hour so that I can just tick a couple of things off. And I will not be drawn into the irrestible ping of a work email whilst I am building a bee garden in the sunshine.
The Perfect Child: The Pressure to Raise Them “Right”
We want our children to be happy, healthy, kind, and successful. But somewhere along the way, we start feeling like every single decision will determine their entire future. Screen time? Diet? The “right” extracurriculars? It’s overwhelming. But the truth is, love and connection matter far more than perfection. A child who feels supported and loved will thrive, no matter how many organic meals they eat or whether they’ve mastered a second language by age seven.
Letting Go of Perfect, Embracing “Good Enough”
What if we stopped striving for perfection and embraced “good enough”? What if we let go of the unrealistic standards and focused on what actually matters? A happy child, a home filled with love, a career that fulfills us in the way we choose. These are the things worth prioritising. I know this. I do. Putting it into practice? Less confident…
I know that motherhood isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. It’s about showing up, loving fiercely, and knowing that we are enough just as we are. So here goes with letting go of the impossible and embracing the beauty of our wonderfully imperfect, deeply fulfilling lives…
